Most parents worry about bullying at some point. You can’t be at school with your kid, so you hope nobody is pushing them around or calling them names when you’re not there. And if you’re the kind of parent who reads an article like this, you probably also don’t want to get the call saying your child was the one doing the pushing.
We think about both sides of that in our kids jiu-jitsu classes. The principles behind jiu-jitsu and the discipline that comes with a martial art give us a way to teach kids how to stay off a bully’s radar, and how to make sure they never become one. Here are the five lessons every child in our program learns.
Lesson 1: How to handle a confrontation
A kid who is being picked on has to figure out when something has gone too far. You don’t want your child treating every bit of teasing as a threat, but you do want them to notice when it’s getting worse.
In class we teach kids how to manage distance from someone who is being aggressive, and how to recognize the point where they would need to defend themselves physically. We talk about self-defense openly, including why the things they learn on the mats are only for when there is no other option.
Much of avoiding a confrontation in the first place comes down to how confident a kid is, which is the next lesson.
Lesson 2: Be confident without being arrogant
Confidence won’t stop every bully, but it helps. Bullies tend to go after kids they think will be easy targets, the ones who look like they won’t push back.
Kids who train jiu-jitsu carry themselves differently, usually without realizing it. Even the youngest ones know they’ve been practicing a martial art and that they understand how to control another person on the mat. Some of them start to enjoy competing. They don’t notice the change in themselves, but other kids do, and it tends to keep them off a bully’s list.
The same confidence works in the other direction. A kid who feels secure in who they are has no reason to go looking for someone smaller to prove something to.
Lesson 3: Talk first, and do it well
Communication matters far beyond bullying. Being able to talk to anyone about anything takes years to learn, and it pays off everywhere in life.
Jiu-jitsu is a conversation of its own, since kids are constantly communicating with their partners through movement as well as words. Our kids coaches make a point of being people the kids can come to with a problem, and we want the kids talking well with each other too.
When two kids get into an argument at the gym, Coach Mike sits down with both of them and helps them work it out together, the way two adults would. Kids learn to say what’s bothering them, and to reach for words before they reach for their hands or shut down and sulk.
Lesson 4: Showing empathy
We don’t want to hand jiu-jitsu skills to a kid who will use them to hurt people, and empathy is a big part of how we prevent that. A child who can imagine what it feels like to be bullied is much less likely to do it to someone else, and they tend to make friends more easily because they pick up on how other kids are feeling.
In class we ask kids not to judge each other so they can focus on having a good round. During rounds they often end up putting a partner in the same spots they’ve been stuck in themselves, which gives them a feel for both sides of the situation.
Lesson 5: Understanding your own strength
The last lesson is about kids knowing what they’re capable of and how easily they could hurt someone if they’re careless.
If someone attacks your child, of course we want them to be able to defend themselves. If a classmate takes their pencil, choking the classmate is obviously not the answer. Our coaches correct kids whenever they get careless with a training partner, so they learn early how their actions land on other people.
Bringing it home
These five lessons are how we keep kids from becoming a bully’s target, and from becoming the bully. Most of them end up mattering at home and at school at least as much as they do on the mats.
If you’re in San Diego and would like your child to learn these lessons with us, book a free kids intro class.
More resources on bullying: